For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
