I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
