Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was born a porn star she said
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
