I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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