the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize