My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
