I'm sorry my penis didn't work
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
