I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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