the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
