don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
