Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
