I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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