I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize