Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
