Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
