I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize