My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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