1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
