And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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