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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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