if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
