I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
