I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
