"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
