i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
