how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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