I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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