Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
