That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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