i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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