i used baking grease as lip gloss
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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