Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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