im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
