I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
