thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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