I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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