I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
