you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
