Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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