Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
