He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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