she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was like eating out sand paper
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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