You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
