i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
