Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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