Your mouth is God's brothel.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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