Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We're too hungover to prance.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize