Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
