I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
