Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
