sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
