He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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