He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
