Your favorite bartender is back from prision
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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