The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Jerry, you need to find god
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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