who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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