You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
