I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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