Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize