My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
