I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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