spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
