In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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