At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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