Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Randomize
