i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
