Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize