You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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