Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
