His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize