i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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