He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
